News to no one, yes? I suck at journaling in general unless I'm sad/depressed/anxious/sleepless/otherwise in a mood to write journal entries that will make me look back and think, seriously, was I depressed for four years straight? Because I can't write as much when things are going good, I guess. I just don't feel the need. I feel like I've reverted to sixteen-year-old me, like omg! Things are great! I love life! Like now. I started this entry because I was like, well, it's been over a month since I posted something, which, you know, would matter if I had more than one regular reader, and knew how to write without the excessive use of commas, but I feel like I should post even though no one reads what I write. Misled sense of duty? Nagging need to have my thoughts be a part of the vast Internetly world? Extreme boredom with my job? You decide! But I started the post, and now I feel like I'm just babbling. Which I kind of am, and I can't think of much to say because there have only been two (2) things on my mind lately:
1. Europe, and
2. My new camera.
Neither of which needs to be talked about any more than I already have. A few nights ago I was writing in my journal and realized that I was babbling about LUGGAGE, of all things. Honestly. Older Me is going to read that journal and wonder if I was depressed for four years straight AND wow, did I really not have anything more interesting to write about than luggage? Because I thought there was a lot more going on in my life when I was 21.
Speaking of being 21, I don't think I am. When I was young, I looked at people my age and I thought that they were the coolest, most mature people ever. 21 seemed so old and grown-up to me and I knew that when I was 21 (or 20, or 18) I was going to be so awesome and grown-up. But now that I am 21, I realize that mostly, I feel no different from the way I felt when I was 11 and thought that 21-year-olds were the shit. I'm still awkward and self-conscious and I still laugh too much and I still don't know how to sit in skirts without showing everyone in the room my underwear. I was observing P.E. at an elementary school last year and watching the fifth-graders talking as they walked laps around the field and I wondered if it was abnormal that I still felt like I could go join them and feel totally fine about it. I hear all these people talking about this "growing-up" thing and wonder if I'll ever experience it, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm just an 11-year-old who has a job and pays bills and goes to college.