Step it up and dance!

So my whole remembery organ really just isn't up to speed, and lately I've been thinking that I need to write more stuff down so that when I am elderly I will actually have memories upon which to reflect. Clearly if I leave it up to my brain there will be nothing, just a big room with gray walls and no memorabilia tacked up. Boring! My journal is too big to carry around and since I'm obviously never going to finish it, literally, it will never be done, I've started jotting stuff down in the back of my planner. I'm considering just ripping out the remaining pages of my journal and beginning another one, one that is more conducive to carrying about. Also, there is a double bonus, because not only will stuff be written down, but my memory will be strengthened by the writing, which is what tends to happen with me. I have a strange brain-to-hand connection or something. I've also been trying to take more pictures because on the days when words escape me at least I'll have pictures to remember by; also, are you a fucking photographer or not, you bitch? Seriously. It shames me that I can go days without picking up my camera. Schoolwork is no excuse.

So I think that right about now we will see how my resolutions are going thus far this year. Since that was the last thing I wrote. Three months ago.

1. I have totally saved a hundred dollars every month so far. Even though I am broke as a joke and this means that I literally have no money. Whatsoever. It's okay! One day I will!
2. Okay, the one picture a day thing hasn't really been working out, but I'm definitely going to start trying harder with that one. A picture a day is like a really good visual journal.
3. I haven't started an exercise routine yet, but I HAVE started taking the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator. All the time. I feel this is a good place to begin.
4. I totally grocery shop all the time! I have food. It is awesome. Sometimes I even go ONCE A WEEK! But I definitely get to the store at least every other week. Win on this one.
5. The journal thing, not so much. But I am writing. I've written once or twice a month since the beginning of the year. This is still better than I had been doing!
6. I have definitely been procrastinating less. At least on certain things. I still procrastinate everything from my film class, if only because I forget about it until the day it's due because I just don't care that much. But I had my last assignment for my studio class finished two days before it was due. I'm getting better.
7. Many fewer breakdowns! Yay for not crying! And freaking out! I dunno what it is, maybe it's the vitamin B complex I take religiously every day or maybe it's the warmer weather or maybe it's because I'm just happy lately, but I've only had one major breakdown so far this year (about school, more specifically why am I in school, more specifically I decided I sucked at everything and should just drop out) and that was when I had had very little sleep or food. Excusable. Mostly.
8. I'm getting much better at chilling out. I think it's due in part to the fact that I procrastinate less, and also I sometimes just don't care about the stuff that I could be doing instead. Why should I clean the living room for the second time in three days when it's just going to get messy again, and also, Bravo is always playing something awesome that I could be watching instead? Pass me the remote.
9. Have not even made a dent in the unread books. Finding it very hard to not buy more anyway. Moving on.
10. I haven't started a quilt, but Rob and I talk about it quite a bit. This is, in my opinion, an excellent start. We plan to quilt together and drink margaritas all summer.

So! There we stand. I think making achievable and life-bettering resolutions was certainly a good choice. And! Today is my last day at my job. Not a resolution, but something I had been thinking about for some time. I go to work for my dad on Monday. I get to ride public transportation (which I have a strange and unhealthy love for). I get to design a logo and poke at parking meters and maybe build stuff. I can't wait.

The other day Emily and I were in the car on the way to Sam Flax to buy mat board. A song came on the radio that I hadn't heard since like fifth grade or so and I commented on that fact and wondered aloud who the artist was. Emily said, "I dunno, I think it's like, maybe Fastball or something? I'm not sure." The song ended and the DJ was like "That was Fastball, with..." whatever the hell the song was called. So I was like, "Emily, you were exactly right, and it's like you pretended not to know who they were, like you were kind of unsure about the band name, you know? 'Well, I'm not really sure, but I think it might be Fastball?' And meanwhile you've got five Fastball CDs in the pocket of your door and like, a Fastball poster taped up in the back of your closet behind your clothes where you can look at it every day but no one else will know." We were both laughing hysterically, because that's what we do, and it's now become something of a running joke between us. Probably one of my favorites. Yesterday she and I were watching "Step It Up and Dance" with Kyle on Bravo and making fun of Elizabeth Berkeley because she kind of sucks. Kyle was defending her and all of a sudden Emily goes, "Listen to Kyle! He's like, 'Guys. Seriously, she's like kind of ok, right? I mean, I don't think she's that bad. She's kind of hot.' And suddenly a bunch of Elizabeth Berkeley trading cards fall out of his pocket."


Okay! Hi! I'm doing that resolution thing!

Hello, 2008! You came a little quicker than I expected, but that seems to be the trend with passing years now that I am climbing the age ladder, as it were. Remember how slowly you years changed when I was small? No more! You astound me with your speed now, you stealthy swift years. Avast! New Year's resolutions! I make these this year not so much as, "I MUST DO THESE THINGS THIS YEAR OR I WILL LOSE AT LIFE" but more as, "I think that these things would be very nice goals to accomplish, and I think I will work hard at accomplishing them but not beat myself up if I fall short of the finish line." Onward!

1. Save at least $1200. This is accomplish-able; it's only $100 a month and surely my broke ass can manage that. Plus my savings account is seriously cold and lonely after last year's Europe trip, MacBook, and D40.

2. Take one good non-school-related picture every day. Flickr has a great group for this called Project 365, and I'm going to join it so I can post daily and keep myself motivated. Sometimes during the school year I forget how much I love taking pictures just for shits because I do it all the time for homework. This year I want to make sure I remember why I'm in school for this: because I love it more than anything.

3. Exercise. I'm not going to have a set-in-stone this-many-days-a-week thing, because I'm a slacker and I know I'll fail at that. Plus I walk a lot and I'm not drastically worried about my health (yet), but I'm not in shape and I know I could feel better about my health and my body. I have a class schedule to where I could work out running or swimming or something else at the GSU gym a couple days a week. I think I'll aim for once a week to start with. Aim low! It's harder to fail that way!

4. Grocery shop every other week. I hate grocery shopping and I normally wait way too long to do it, which results in me spending loads of unnecessary money on fast food when I don't have anything for lunch at work because I haven't bought groceries in six weeks. But then I get groceries, and I love it so much! I have food! I have fresh vegetables and fruits! I have lunch stuff! I need to do it every other week. I should never again be faced with the prospect of eating frozen Brussels sprouts and canned tuna fish for dinner. Ever again.

5. Write in my journal once a week. It's not that hard. I've had the same damn journal since March of 2005 because I'm such a slacker about writing. But then I get sad when I open it and I haven't written in forever. SELF-PERPETUATING, DUMMY.

6. Procrastinate less. This is hard to measure or quantify, but I really need to do it. Or not do it. The procrastinating, I mean. I started figuring this out last year: if you just DO your SHIT when you SHOULD, then you have time to relax and not feel GUILTY for not DOING your SHIT! Seems obvious, yes? Not to me.

7. Stress, freak out, breakdown, panic, etc. less. I waste too much time and emotion doing all of these things. I'm trying to learn to roll with the punches.

8. Be able to chill out without feeling guilty that I'm not being productive. I'm really bad at this. It doesn't matter whether I literally have nothing at all to do: no school, everything's clean, everything's done -- I still cannot chill out without feeling like I should be doing something better with my time. I need to get past this.

9. Finish all of the unread books on my shelf. Probably even including Anna Karenina. But maybe not. All of the other books, though. I tried to do that last year and then all seven Harry Potter books got in the way and it just didn't happen. Unfortunate!

10. I would really like to make a quilt this year. I don't know if this is even a feasible resolution, but it feels like it might be. Between work and school and life, it seems like this is the kind of thing that probably won't happen, but you never know, and I'd really like it to happen, so I'm writing it. Quilt! 2008!

Okay! So yay for resolutions! Or maybe not... uh... resolutions, so much as... I don't know, hopes? Wishes? Frothy unicorn dreams? These are probably the most chickenshit resolutions ever, not because they suck or anything, but because I am being so noncommittal about them. Not that I have a problem with failure or anything; I just don't like to be tied down.


I never even write and I still can't come up with original content

But! Even though I didn't, you know, make this thing up or anything, my answers are original! And I guess sometimes it's kind of fun to look back on the year you just had? And answer questions about it? Yes? Okay then! Sally forth!

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I had surgery... twice! Because I am awesome. I traveled outside the country. I took a summer class. I spent over a thousand dollars at one time on something other than a vehicle. I spent 15 hours at school in one day. I wore rainboots.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made new year's resolutions last year. I'm going to make some for next year, I just don't know yet what they'll all be. I'll write them down when I figure it out.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ummm... no. Not this year!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. Three of my grandparents, within six months of each other. It sucked. Big time.

5. What countries did you visit?
England, France, and Italy. I also went to Maine and Florida, but those, as we all know, are merely STATES.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More money. Maybe a job I really like, where I can use the skills I'm spending fifty years in school for. Maybe a tattoo. Maybe a new car.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 23-June 9, because those were the dates I spent in Europe, but the specific dates are only really etched in my memory because of the HOURS and HOURS I spent planning that trip.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I think my mural project for photo 2 class was a pretty good achievement.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I dunno man. I don't know that I really think in terms of failing. I'm sure I had some failures but I don't think I register them as such.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah, I had appendicitis, so that was pretty awesome. I had countless colds and probably a bout of the flu and some infection that caused my lymph nodes to swell all up and wreak havoc on my mental health and sanity.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Definitely my MacBook and my Nikon D40. Two of the best purchases I've ever made.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I'd have to probably say Brittony's during her cancer, because she plays like a champ. Also she's hot bald.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Those are strong words. I've been unhappy with some people's behavior, but I wouldn't say I've been appalled or depressed by anyone's behavior.

14. Where did most of your money go?
On a daily basis, rent and groceries. But a LOT of my money went toward Europe, my computer, and my camera.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I get really, really, really excited about a lot of things. My computer, my camera, going to Europe, moving into a new house, my final photo project, my flash kit, Christmas, probably a few other things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Probably "Hombre" by M.I.A. I listened to it countless times and danced my ass off. Even in the darkroom.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
I'd say happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner.
c) richer or poorer?
Definitely poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Relaxing. Taking pictures that weren't for school. Writing in my journal. Watching movies. Doing creative things. Reading.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying. Feeling guilty for relaxing when I had the time, and feeling like I should be doing something productive instead. Smoking. Getting riled up about stupid things.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I went to my mom's house on Christmas Eve and spent the night and we all opened presents and stuffed ourselves with Chick-fil-a nuggets. On Christmas Day I went to Kyle's parents' house for a few hours in the afternoon and then to my dad's house in the evening for Christmas dinner and Wii.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No. I did that last year!

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I got really into TV during the second half of this year because I got cable when I moved and I also got Netflix. I love The Office, Weeds, Heroes, Freaks & Geeks (even though it's canceled), Real Housewives of Orange County (even though I hate myself for liking it), Ugly Betty, Planet Earth, and Family Guy.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Yay!

24. What was the best book you read?
I read all seven Harry Potter books and loved them. I really liked The Secret Life of Bees, The Stone Diaries, and The Virgin Suicides.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Even though I've listened to them sporadically for a while, I finally bought an Iron & Wine CD and listened to it basically nonstop for a month straight. I also discovered John Lee Hooker, who isn't new and has, in fact, been around forever, but he's awesome and he was new to me and also, I love the blues. So much. This year hasn't been very prolific on the discovering-new-music front.

26. What did you want and get?
A DSLR, a MacBook, a flash kit, portraiture backdrops, Pumas, a trip to Europe, a new place to live.

27. What did you want and not get?
A new car, a prime lens, a Nikon D3.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't really remember what I've seen that actually came out this year. My favorite film that I saw for the first time this year was American Beauty, hands down. I'll come back to this one if I think of a film that actually came out this year.

Edited: Juno!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 22, and I did a whole lot of nothing. I was really tired and didn't feel well so I stayed in bed and watched TV all day and then went to my dad's for dinner with a bunch of my family and Kyle and Brittony. It was a good birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A car that doesn't break itself all the time. My car was the source of several breakdowns through the year.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
The same as it's always been: I Wear What I Want, When I Want, Regardless of Whether It Matches Or Is In Style. Also, Gray.

32. What kept you sane?
School, although it also made me INsane sometimes. My family and my friends. My boyfriend. Photography, reading, spacing out and watching television.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp. Always.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Darfur, especially after going to the rally.

35. Who did you miss?
I miss my grandparents, now. Sometimes a lot. I missed my family while I was out of the country, I missed Kyle while he was on vacation. I missed Erin when she stayed at school and I didn't see her for a while. I missed Brittony when she was away at school.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Amanda. Also Emily, but I technically met her last year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Life kind of keeps throwing the same lesson at me over and over again: this too shall pass. One of these days I'll get it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Life is much too short to sit and wonder
Who's going to make the next move
And will slowly pull you under
When you've always got something to prove
I don't want to wait a lifetime
Yours or mine, yours or mine
Can't you see me reaching for the lifeline
Your lifeline, the lifeline, my lifeline, the lifeline


The Office

Dude I work with had been wearing headphones all day when suddenly he decided to unplug them and treat us all to his musical selection. I hear (loudly) the strains of the "Rocky" theme, and then whatever the fuck that song is that is all, "Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..." etc, etc. After these two songs, the music stops. The first thought that hits my head is GOD BAD TASTE IN MUSIC. SO BAD CANNOT FUNCTION. The next thought is envisioning those two songs playing back to back to back, over and over, in his headphones, all day, and him thinking, man! These songs are so great, I think I really must unplug my headphones and let them each play just once so that everyone else may enjoy them as well. Then I can go back to listening to them over and over, just these two awesome songs, and feel good about myself for inspiring the joy of music in my office mates this fine day! These two songs are the best ever, I don't even know why any other songs were even invented!

Later in the afternoon the speakers came back on, playing the Aruba song again. I fell to my knees and heartily thanked God for giving me my iPod. The end.


I'm eating tuna for a snack right now

Oh hi! It turns out that this is still here! I always decide that I'm done with blog posting because it is stupid for me and so I eschew my blog with a firm hand, only to come crawling back to it a few weeks or months later, begging its forgiveness and promising to treat it better this time around.

Speaking of abusive Internet relationships? Today I was on Netflix, perusing the "view it now" options. I was getting totally excited, because it opened up kind of a whole new world of viewing possibilities to me, you know? Seventeen hours of online viewing per month! If I want to watch something, but all of my DVDs are in transit or already watched, I can just hop on over to the friendly Internet and coax a few hours of entertainment out of it! Well, it turns out. No. Netflix bitch-slapped me and then informed me that its platform requirements for online viewing were Windows XP or Vista, and ONLY Windows. Considering that my new(est) lover is a Mac, and I am currently eschewing Windows with a much firmer hand than the one I typically use to eschew Blogger, I was understandably upset. Netflix! Why would you do this to me? I love you so much, and I was beginning to love you even more, you DVD vixen, because of the new possibilities you had opened up to me! But you teased me and then you closed the door on my hand. Why, Netflix, why? Why is Mac not a worthy platform for your online viewing? WHY?

I have been lazily clicking links to Etsy lately and it really makes me want to make gifts for everyone I know this year for Christmas. Actually, it makes my creativity bone (doesn't that sound dirty?) itch in general. I want to get out some patterns and fabric and sew some stuff to wear. Then I want to knit some scarves for people I know. Then I want to paint and mat pictures to give to my sisters. Then I want to take pictures to give to other people. I just want to MAKE MAKE MAKE stuff so hard right now. I love being an art major, but it kind of sucks sometimes because I feel like all my creative energy is sucked up by school assignments, leaving none left over for fun projects. All I want to do right now is make stuff, but I have several more hours to be at work, and my brain remains on the couch, eating nachos.

Although, last Friday I shot the pictures for my final project and I am SO excited about it. I got people drunk and took them to school in the middle of the night and made them take off their shirts. It was kind of hot and awesome, and by kind of, I mean TOTALLY. I've never been this excited about a project. I want to post pictures here, but I've been too much of a lazy whore to sift through them, edit them, and put them on Flickr.

The moral of the story? I want to watch stuff and also make stuff. Preferably at the same time!

P.S. This makes me pee in my pants:



So! In the exciting thrill ride that is my health, I had a CAT scan last week and then paid a little visit to my friend the ENT, who informed me that my lymph nodes are, in fact, swollen! And so are my tonsils, and also some of my throat tissue! So I'm not sure why, exactly, I had a CAT scan, if it was only going to tell us what we already know, but my ENT informs me that I should probably do a biopsy. A nice surgical biopsy, that I have to take an entire day off work for and be put under anesthesia and probably have a nice chunky scar left on my neck from the removal of a LYMPH NODE. He says it's probably nothing serious but it could be! So we better check! I still have to have an ultrasound on my thyroid and a follow-up with the endocrinologist, both of which are the week after next, and then after that? IT'S PARTY TIME, LYMPH NODES. One of you guys is going home. Which one will it be? Find out soon!

Lately it's like Survivor around here, only with body parts. The nodes saw what happened to the appendix and they should have been scared, but were they? No! They shamelessly swelled and forced me to take drastic measures AGAIN. You should have known, you guys! Nothing is safe living inside me!


Also, cocaine

So fuck, you know, how awesome was the seventh Harry Potter? So awesome, and I won't write anything about it because some random person reading this blog may have not read it already and I know how that feels, avoiding spoilers, you know? It sucks, because everywhere you turn you're afraid the book will be spoiled forever like the sixth book was spoiled for me. And then you have to watch out for those fake spoilers like the ones given to me by people who claim to "love" me, such as: "Harry Potter dies!" "Harry Potter doesn't die!" Harry Potter and Voldemort are the SAME PERSON!" "Hermione and Voldemort are the SAME PERSON!" "Harry is actually a bunny rabbit! So soft and cuddly!" Etc, etc. None of which are true (or... ARE they?) But yeah, anyway, I finished all the Harry Potter books and now I feel a little bereft, and I felt I should commemorate the occasion by putting it in writing since last time I wrote, I hadn't even started the sixth book. Woe!

The nodes are still swollen and I'm being inundated with doctors' appointments. I went to the endocrinologist and the ENT last week and they both decided that the only cure for what ails this poor girl? MORE APPOINTMENTS! AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE AS DRAWN OUT AS POSSIBLE! So now I have a cat scan for the nodes on Thursday and another ENT appointment next week, I think, and then a free week and then the week after I think I have an ultrasound on my thyroid and a follow-up with the endo. I feel like you should be able to check both things with one test, you know? Either an ultrasound OR a cat scan. Not both. But no! It must be both, and hey, did you know, more bloodwork too! I love needles. It's too bad heroin never agreed with me.