It's only been, what, like four days?

And I'm back?! SHOCK AWE! AMAZEMENT etc. You know what I really, really hate about living in Atlanta? The traffic. I love Atlanta, I really do, and I have no desire to ever live in the 'burbs or out on the rambling countryside, except when I am stuck in traffic.

Exhibit A: Last Wednesday I went to my dad's house after work to take him some paperwork for insurance, and a trip that should have taken me 45 minutes took me close to TWO HOURS. TWO. HOURS. OF SITTING IN THE CAR. NOT MOVING. It turns out that something had happened involving some sort of tour bus and a middle lane was inexplicably blocked (but the bus was pulled off to the side of the road? I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON). The H.E.R.O. trucks (is that what they are?) were sitting in the blocked middle lane with lit-up arrows pointing left or right, like, hey, this lane is blocked but choose any of these other available lanes! They are all equally desirable! But they were NOT. I moved into the right lane only to discover that it was ALSO CLOSED until past the exit, so I had to get OFF the EXIT and wait for fifteen minutes just to turn around and get back on the interstate. But did the helpful arrows inform me that this was going to happen? No! They didn't. This is why I hate arrows. Also traffic.

Exhibit B: Last Thursday (yes. only a day after horrific traffic incident number one) I left my apartment around 6:45 to attend the last Screen on the Green (an outdoor movie) of the summer at Piedmont Park in the middle of Atlanta. The drive from my apartment to Piedmont should normally take between ten and fifteen minutes, maximum. I left my apartment all jolly, like, yay, last Screen on the Green of the summer! And they're showing E.T.! And I haven't seen that movie since I was like, I don't know, six or something and I think it totally creeped me out and gave me nightmares for some reason but now I'm 21 and I'll be fine! And hanging out with friends! Yay Piedmont Park! My attitude swiftly changed when traffic completely stopped the minute I got off the exit. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get to the park. ONE HOUR. AND FIFTEEN MINUTES. That is fully an HOUR longer than it should have taken me. And then? SCREEN ON THE GREEN GOT RAINED OUT. CANCELLED. SEVENTY-FIVE MINUTES OF DRIVING FOR NOTHING. I called my best friend every five minutes and gave her traffic updates on my position since I was supposed to be meeting her at the park. Our conversations went something like this:

Brittony: Hello?

Whitney: IT'S BEEN TEN MINUTES AND I HAVE ONLY MOVED FIVE FEET. FIVE. FIVE FEET IS ALL I HAVE MOVED IN TEN MINUTES. SO ANGRY. If you hear something on the news about a car stopped because the driver had a concussion from repeatedly banging her head on the steering wheel, YOU KNOW IT IS ME. SO ANGRY GRARRHHGGGHHH SMASH ANGRY.

Traffic also makes me use an excessive number of capital letters. It's really not my fault; I turn on caps lock and then the anger pouring out of my eyes blinds me to the fact that it stays on for more than a socially acceptable amount of time.

Aside from Horrible Traffic Incidents 2007, I had a nice weekend. Saturday I woke up inexplicably grumpy and then compounded the problem by not eating breakfast because I had run out of breakfast food. I have low blood sugar, so not eating when I'm hungry is neverrrr a good idea. Anyone who's ever been around me when I'm hungry can vouch for this. My little brother was having a birthday party at a bowling alley and my dad told me to be at his house at noon to go with them. I got there five minutes after noon and they had already left. I stomped around the house for about thirty seconds yelling about how I couldn't believe they had already left because seriously, my dad knows I am chronically late because I get it FROM HIM, and if he was leaving at noon why wouldn't he tell me to be there earlier than that? Or call me to find out where I am before they left? HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION. I called my dad and he informed me that they had, in fact, already left, and that I should just meet them at the bowling alley. I hung up the phone with him, sat down in the middle of the kitchen floor, and sobbed for about five minutes. For no reason. Just sobbing for the hell of it, apparently, with the tears and the blotchy face and the feeling pitiful. When I decided enough was enough I picked myself off the floor, ate two bowls of Berry Burst Cheerios and went bowling. Which was, you know, fun. After the sobbing, and also the sweating because my car needs something done to the air conditioning and I can't ride in it for more than five minutes without the sweating. Down my back, on my upper lip, between my thighs (which I HATE ew), under my arms. Ew.

So yes, where was I? Bowling. We went bowling and it was fun. There were blacklights. And pizza and cake and pictures. Afterward we went to the river and sunned ourselves on the rocks like lazy cats before going to the rope swing that I was too much of a pussy to swing off of (even though I did it last summer. But seriously, it's intimidating.) And then later in the evening, I got a washer and dryer! Which I can't plug in yet because they got severely rained on while we were transporting them to my apartment and I'm afraid they will short out if they aren't dried out yet. I spent the night at my dad's house on Saturday for the first time in quite a while and spent Sunday laying around doing nothing because... I could, I guess. I should have been working on a photography project but the people who agreed to be my subjects were unavailable. So instead we went to the river again (and I swung off the rope swing twice! omg!) and then ate a big family dinner. When I came back to Atlanta I met up with my boyfriend and his brother and my friend Kathryn and we all smoked hookah (oh how I love hookah) and sang along to Prince. Life could totally be worse. Even though, you know, traffic.

By the way, regarding my profile picture:
1. I am not as ugly and awkward as I look in that picture. I don't think.
2. I am, in fact, eating a kitten. Please pay special attention to the way the kitten is looking helplessly at the camera, like OH MY GOD I AM ACTUALLY IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH. I REALLY THINK SHE IS GOING TO EAT ME PLEASE HELP.